Monday, December 13, 2010

So Many Emotions

I don't know why but every day I find myself go through so many emotions. Why can't I just get a hold of myself and have only one all day, happy! Why is it sometimes such a struggle to just be happy? I am in need of a vacation/move. I want to give up everything here. I'm tired of the fake people, the fake friends, the fake relationships, the fake affection, the fake of everything here. As you can see "fake hating" is my emotion right now. :) I guess I just need to focus more on the positives in my life. Cause there are so many, but I get too caught up in life and let that take over. I also find myself not letting go of things I REALLY need to let go of (well one thing really). How to do it, I am struggling with quite bad right now. But hopefully I can eventually figure it out, I pray all the time for it but I sincerely fear I never will....oh well.
On a brighter emotion I went on a couple blind dates last week. They both turned out to be not too bad! Although I can already say one is not a keeper, but the other one could be a possibility? Who knows though, we will see. Maybe I'll just do what I normally do and push him away before he can hurt me. I already find myself wanting to do that,....I guess we will see.


Michelle Merrill said...


I'm sorry your days are so up and down. Mine are the same way all the time. I'll tell you one secret that really really helps. My days go much better if I read my scriptures. I'm not saying you don't, but that's just what helps me. Does it always help? No. I'll still get mad at my kids and feel bad about it later. I'll still let some little thing someone says get to me. I'll still say something dumb to someone and wonder why I said it. It's hard to focus on the positive. Really hard sometimes. Good luck with everything and hold in there.

If you EVER want a vacation, you are always welcome here at my house in Portland, Oregon! You want a rainy day at the beach, rainy day at a waterfall, or a rainy day to Voodoo doughnuts, I'm totally there :)

*Or you can come when it's not so rainy in the summer. Whatever you want!

Maureen said...

Huge Hugs..Love you!! P.S. Come visit..

Steph said...

I love you honey! I hope you know I am not a fake friend! I know I am married and live like 15 minutes away, but I SWEAR to you I want to hang out. I always feel like my single friends don't want to hang out with me so I don't make effort. But I will make more I swear! I need a gym partner, I need a friend to watch tv shows with, and I need a friend to do things with. My life is really boring right now since Brandon is on his computer 24/7 doing homework. So how about we get together as often as we can?! Or set a night in the week that we always do something? Let me know. i am down! Love you.